A Network of Memories
The power of autonomy lies beneath your skin
My body is a patchwork of piercings and tattoos that reflect the life I have lived. The good, the bad and the ugly. From growth to loss, my body has seen it all. Experience is permanently marked into my skin.
For me, my tattoos memorialize my favourite people, living and dead. They are symbols of every person that has changed my life in meaningful ways. As the saying goes, “I am a mosaic of every person that has ever touched my life.” And now, they live beneath my skin in ink.
There’s a comfort in these needles that press into my flesh, that create holes in my cartilage and decorate my body in spirals of memories. They soften the blows that life has thrown my way, and create a possibility for permanence in a life that promises no such thing.
I have tattoos for both my parents. For my mother, a pair of lungs with flowers sprouting from them to show that, regardless of the challenges I have faced, beauty and endurance can be found anywhere — you just need to know where to look. She taught me that life is meant to be lived, and not to simply flow with the motions. My late father was a firefighter. I tattooed his badge number: 114. That also happens to be his, my brother’s and my birthdays. . This tattoo shows that healing can come from loss. He is always with me, living beneath my skin in ink and in DNA. My tattoo is as permanent as his loss. He was, and always will be, a permanent fixture in my life. He just lives within me instead of beside me now.
My tattoos symbolize all the multifaceted memories and people that make up the person that I am — and who I am becoming. They are permanent fixtures of my identity: from the tattoos of my parents, to my childhood dog, to the one I got for my inner child. Tiger lilies for the girl who used to sprint through them in the garden, chasing her brother.
My piercings represent my bodily autonomy: a choice to look how I feel. My first piercings were my lobes as a baby, so I don’t remember them, but I do remember my second lobe piercings and all the ones after. I remember walking into the tattoo parlor with my brother while he got a consultation for a tattoo and deciding on a whim to get my seconds pierced. I remember feeling so liberated, it was the first big body modification I had besides my tattoos and I instantly felt more like myself, like my outer body finally matched my inner. I then went on to get four cartilage piercings. Each one felt like a step towards who I am becoming. My nose piercing felt like a full circle moment; despite the scariness of a needle going into my face I couldn't have felt more like myself than when I first saw that piercing in the mirror.
Every time the needle hits my skin I feel more and more like a butterfly reaching its final form. Each inch of ink decorating my skin or jewelry dotting my ears makes me feel like I’m truly in tune with myself.
Tattoos and piercings don’t have to be moments of regret or rebellion. They can be healing. A way to take back your bodily autonomy and represent the resurgence of yourself. A great example of this is the phenomenon of sexual assault survivors getting Medusa tattoos to memorialize their journeys. They have survived the unthinkable and come out on the other side. Medusa, in some versions of the story, was assaulted and then given the ability to turn people to stone in order to protect other women from the same fate.
Tattoos and piercings are not just bodily decor but memories, totems of healing and so much more. They represent all the things we cannot say out loud but wish to speak.
During my latest tattoo appointment with Jared, better known as Softboy, we talked about how tattoos and piercings are more than just pretty body art but can be a way to take back bodily autonomy.
“I think after people have had top surgery or surgery in general, like scars and stuff where people associate shame around those scars and being able to say I’m gonna beautify this in some fashion. Being able to say I’m gonna decide what this is gonna look like and how this is gonna feel for me,” says Softboy.
We talked about the beauty of healing when it comes to tattoos, the journey the artist and client go through during an appointment and Softboy’s favourite parts of tattooing.
“I like getting to meet people from different walks of life. Everyone sort of brings their own energy to tattooing. When people come to me we either have a big conversation or some people just want to use the time to rest. A couple of days ago I tattooed a mom, and she has like 3 kids so she’s always super busy at home and when she comes here she’s like it's so quiet. It’s so peaceful. I get to rest, you know? This is me time. So I think it’s getting to sit with people and bring their ideas to life or if someone resonates with what I’ve created too. It's the energy exchange which I think is my favourite,” he says.
Tattoos are windows into people’s lives: how they cope and how they heal. The next time you see someone covered in tattoos you may stop to think about the stories behind them.
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