Redefinition of Beauty Through the Weight of a Crown
- Sorousheh Salman
- 12 minutes ago
- 6 min read
A former pageant queen’s journey overcoming an eating disorder and redefining what beauty means
With wine-red curtains framing the stage, a room with tables surrounded by eight chairs each. An eager crowd holds its breath, waiting for the next talk that could change their lives.
Slowly, a former pageant queen enters the stage, her sash proudly shining with bold lettering “MISS ASIA CANADA 2023,” her dress worn carefully as if it were armour. The room is silent, slightly cold, as she takes the audience back to a time when life was heavier—a past where she was trapped in a mindset dedicated to ruining her.
“This is the story of how I got an eating disorder at the age of 13,” said former pageant queen Ann Marie Elpa as she gave her first TEDx Talk at TEDxTorontoMetU on Feb. 8, 2026. It comes three years after a life-changing journey of internal development and winning a beauty pageant.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Illnesses (DSM-5) is the latest edition of the American Psychiatric Association’s Professional Reference Book on mental health and brain-related conditions, as outlined by the National Institutes of Health (NIH). It understands eating disorders manifesting through patterns of behaviour, psychological distress and disturbances to a person’s daily functioning, rather than by physical appearance alone.
Brian Baumal is a registered Gestalt-based therapist at Aliva Psychotherapy. He explains that external validation fuels many restrictive eating disorders.
“Eating disorders [are] this very complex phenomenon between external and internal validation, both having to be achieved in some way,” he says.
Elpa recalls the Filipino beauty standards she was first exposed to in early childhood.
“Lighter skin tones and very sleek, glossy hair were a big thing that was ingrained on me as a kid,” she says. Though she is conscious of her skin tone, the urge to change her body begins during puberty.
The breaking point came in 2012. Social media platforms like Tumblr had gained popularity, where beauty standards were given a stronger platform and often promised a ‘better life’ to impressionable young users.
“I realized that what I yearned for wasn't really a transformation. It was for people to be nicer to me,” she says. “Growing up hearing relatives commenting on my weight, talking about my hair, talking about how dark I became, or how I look a certain way, and I was so sick and tired of that. Same thing with being treated at school. I was consistently bullied.”
Baumal described disordered eating as a war between the head and body, with the common theme being the head rejecting where it’s hosted.
That struggle is present in a young Elpa, who convinces herself that a single bite of a burger is worth 500 calories.
“I was kind of scared that if I ate in front of other people, I would look fat,” she says.
Carol Holland, a dietitian at JM Nutrition, emphasizes the importance of balance and flexibility in eating habits. “A healthy relationship with food means that the person can eat regular meals and snacks and is willing to accept a variety of different foods—some are healthy, some are treats—and not panic about any of it,” she explains.
Yet Elpa’s mind convinced her she was a fat person, regardless of whether it was true or false.
Her mind told her she had to eat, not because she wanted to.
“[I was] literally like a little kid that lost a lot of weight,” she says.
Holland explains that as people change their diets, internal factors such as brain chemistry, hormones and metabolic adaptations mean weight gain and loss appear different for everyone.
“The most common reaction I get is relief [from patients]. When I'm able to [explain] how your body and your brain work. Why [these] facts that you haven't successfully lost weight in the past are not your fault,” she says.
For Elpa, losing weight rapidly and placing restrictions on her body eventually led to health complications and necessitated skipping school.
“I was anemic, I needed to take iron pills for a solid amount of time. Sometimes I would feel so lightheaded in class,” she said.
Elpa’s experience underscores the need for approaches that go beyond symptoms—a space where Gestalt therapy offers a different framework. Baumal explained that Gestalt therapy emphasizes personal responsibility and treats the person as a holistic blend of mind, body and emotions. Patients are guided by internal questions, such as: “Was there ever a time when you were at peace in your body?”
For Elpa, that moment comes in Grade 10. She caught a break from the constant mocking and found community in her high school’s anime club. It is a place where people care not about how she looks but about the energy she brings. She remembers feeling happiness, where conversations focus on presence.
That sense of belonging could be found in a larger community of friends at university and eventually, in her early 20s, through the pageant world.
However, during her first pageant, Elpa found herself grappling with lingering thoughts that stayed in the back of her mind. They whisper that if she looks a certain way, it will determine her success in the pageant, even as her surroundings become healthier.
“My first pageant was a shit show. It was such a rookie mistake to focus a lot of time on appearance,” says Elpa.
A plausible cause is that she did it alone, allowing previous disordered eating habits and thoughts to affect her confidence.
“The behaviours, no matter what they are, tend to be a little bit easier to accomplish if they're in isolation,” says Holland. “Gradually, that person does get more and more isolated as the behaviours get stronger and stronger. That's part of eating disorder treatment: symptom interruption.”
Baumal explains these obstacles are often due to clients who are ready to push beyond with disordered thinking, may deal with confusing thoughts such as “I've had enough of this eating disorder, and I'm ready to start dealing with it. I just don't know how to do it.”
This turning point encourages Elpa to find Silvia Guimarey, a Venezuelan pageant coach who trains Elpa for six months ahead of the Miss Asia Canada 2023 Pageant.
Social skills or modelling schools are very common in Venezuelan culture. This is a crucial part of Guimarey's coaching. Modelling schools in Venezuela function much like a finishing school. Girls receive training in etiquette, posture, public speaking, social skills and personal presentation.
“It's part of your education. Everybody should take on the responsibility to represent their country, no matter where they are,” she says.
She elaborates that representation is not limited to your country or family, but yourself.
“If you're gonna wear the band that says your name, you're representing yourself. Feel that weight,” she says.
Guimarey describes the clients she coaches as “my girls,” reflecting on the close relationship she develops with them. Many of them open up about personal struggles, and she becomes emotionally invested in their journeys—often sharing her concerns with her husband at night after hearing certain stories. Her role is to be a constant source of support and reassurance. She positions herself right behind her contestants.
“I got you, girl. I'm behind you. I believe in you. You are doing good. Trust me,” she says.
Guimarey breaks down three elements when discussing social skills coaching. First is ‘etiquette,’ which is knowing how to act in a certain place according to the occasion. Second, ‘protocol’ for official affairs and situations that cannot be changed in more structured spheres such as politics, post-secondary institutions and athletics. Third, ‘social skills’ is what people deal with on a day-to-day basis with the people around them.
Character is crucial in pageantry, according to Elpa and Guimarey. Elpa found a purpose larger than perception of appearance: the rise of anti-Asian racism during the COVID-19 pandemic. She co-founded AZN Connection, a podcast that aims to challenge racism and celebrate the diversity of the Asian diaspora. She became deeply involved in advocacy, presenting at Pinoys on Parliament on the representation of Filipino women in media. So, Miss Asia Canada felt like a natural extension of that activism.
However, beauty, Guimarey explains, is different everywhere.
“I love getting to know the human behind that face and just understanding their story. Where are they coming from and why?” she says.
Winning Miss Asia Canada is a full-circle moment. Elpa steps onto the stage, wearing a crown of gold and a shield painted with the flag of the Philippines, as if manifesting the sun through her body.
“I wrapped up this really intense journey of training—learning about confidence and showing up for myself,” says Elpa.
For the final reward, people in her community and circle recognize the work she put in.
“I look back at that moment, and the reason why I say that I've healed was that I felt no matter the outcome, I felt like I did the best job I could, and I'm very happy with the outcome.”
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