To Know of Love

By Elsie Rotich



how?

how is it possible to simultaneously feel

the intrigue, the longing and disgust towards it?

to crave it, be repulsed by it and want to explore it,

all at once?

If anything I'd prefer only one of these to be torturing me…

nights like this, the gates of deep wonder open,

I’m forced to ruminate on how it’ll change me & my views on life.

it’s the deep discomfort of being vulnerable with my thoughts and feelings

and of the knowledge that one person has the ability to affect me

the abundance of power right in the palm of their hands.

but,

what a privilege it is to know that you are adored for who you are,

that they ask you for nothing more than what you can give

to know the attention they give you is not temporary. Somebody

knowing me inwards and outwards and

it being absolutely frightening—

but the risk seems worth it