'UNSHAMING': Exposing the Shame in Happily Ever After
- Sorousheh Salman
- 1 day ago
- 3 min read
Author Jowita Bydlowska takes us into her mind in the making of her latest memoir
Jowita Bydlowska, Polish-Canadian writer and journalist, published her second memoir, UNSHAMING, earlier this year.
Bydlowska sat down with Doug Pepper, a publisher at Penguin Random House Canada, on Mar. 12, 2026, at Type Books in Toronto, for an intimate discussion about sobriety and relapse.
Tracing Bydlowska’s life after her first memoir, DRUNK MOM, which detailed her relapse into alcoholism following three years of sobriety after she gave birth to her son, UNSHAMING addresses what happens after Bydlowska’s ‘happily ever after’ — when she relapses after becoming a successful writer.
According to the National Library of Medicine, more than 85 per cent of individuals relapse and return to drug use within one year of treatment from substances.
After publishing DRUNK MOM, Bydlowska began to explore shame as a key motif, one that emerged through conversations with readers while she struggled with relapse - despite not initially feeling ashamed.
People reading the book after recovery sent her lots of fan mail, congratulating her, according to Bydlowska, but behind closed doors, reality was very different.
“It was a shame relapsing and not being able to get it right, but there was also this shame about being a liar and being a hypocrite,” she said.
“I wanted a formula, a guarantee that I’d never drink again” — UNSHAMING (2026)
Bydlowska relapsed 20 times, which also meant 20 times of hope.
However, she became hyperaware of it through negative media coverage.
“It felt as if somebody else was trying to give me the shame that I didn't feel [because] I recovered [and] I published a book about it,” she explained.
She worked closely with Pepper, whom she met at a publishing event while both were in active addiction. They eventually followed each other on Instagram and began developing a relationship that led to the release of UNSHAMING.
“She showed me probably about 100 pages at the time of this book, and it absolutely floored me. It just blew me away!” said Pepper.
Pepper explained that the memoir consists of footnotes, becoming ‘two books in one.’
“The first part of the book has a lot of footnotes on the page, and it took me a while to wrap my head around what exactly you were trying to do,” he said.
Bydlowska used footnotes to revisit her initial thoughts and to explain the scientific and cultural context. Almost offering another narrative throughout the memoir.
“It's a way of breaking the fourth wall,” she explained.
“Do I drink because I’m a romantic? Do I drink because I’m an alcoholic? Or do I drink because it’s fun?”
— UNSHAMING (2026)
An admirer of Bydlowska’s work in the crowd shared how, as a recovered addict themself, the taboo storytelling of women’s addiction was especially personal and important.
Although men generally report higher substance use, according to ScienceDirect, women progress into addiction more rapidly than men due to biological factors such as hormones and brain chemistry, alongside facing greater stigma and less social support, which can discourage treatment-seeking.
The writing process was a journey for Bydlowska, which led her to accept that she had begun hiding the truth of her sobriety — a result of the silent expectations she felt after publishing DRUNK MOM.
“There are rules and regulations; you go through all of that, but when you are supposed to remain sober, everything is supposed to go up from there — and then you relapse."
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